I’m Your Fire, Your Desire

2008-08-27T16:59:00-08:00

]]>When I pulled into the drive-thru Starbucks this morning, it looked like gridlock on the 405, so I parked next door and decided to walk in. On my way past the front door, I was greeted by an extremely fragrant hobo and his hobo wife, Nadine. I only her name is Nadine because she put out her foot when I approached and said through the handful of rotten teef she had left (and I do mean teef), “I’m Nay-DEEN and nobody done passes Nay-DEEN without good mornins.” Her accent is probably charming… for the lead singer of a jug band, but I could barely understand her.

So, I went around her, but said good morning anyway. Eau du Hobo stood up as I reached for the door, staring me in the eye while rummaging in a bucket. I got a little worried for a split second, but then he produced a half-eaten roll of Mentos that looked like it had been run over by a car a few times.

“Look at you! You are a Golden Goddess of Venutia!” as he waved the Mentos around. “You are a vision, a Venutia vision! Look at her, NAY-deen! She’s …

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Aaaaaaaaaand, Scene!

2008-08-25T23:59:00-08:00

]]>I am officially exhausted. Spent. Pooped. BUSHED! Kathy is on the plane (or perhaps at her layover by now, I’m not sure) and I am going to be spending the next day and a half recuperating and prepping myself for the majesty that is my inbox.

This weekend was some of the best fun I’ve had in a long time. And the most stuff I’ve done in a long time, too. We had very full and busy days the entire time she was here. From the moment her plane touched down, it was lunch at the Prado, Grey Goose and a piano bar at Martinis Above Fourth, karaoke at the Lamplighter, TMI about a stranger’s areola, some eggs benedict, a harbor ferry, an almost-purchased Dr. Seuss painting, a bunch of maritime crap, a whole bunch of laughing, a lot of “Yay!!"-ing and clinking of glasses, a dash of Eurotrash, some twigs and berries, one hangover pizza and a …

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Foreshadowing

2008-08-20T18:14:00-08:00

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This nicely sums up the next 5 days. I can’t wait until Kathy gets here! It’s officially our vacation, but I know we’re going to end up talking shop at some point. We have too many ideas we want to dish about and when we only see each other once a year on average, we’ll take any opportunity we can get.

It’s first and foremost time off, but it’s a lot easier to talk shop with a side of margaritas, don’t you think?

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Cookie Coup

2008-08-13T15:04:00-08:00

]]>I noticed last night that in commercials for Oreo cookies, the people in different commercials all eat their Oreo exactly the same way: twist open, lick once, put back together, then dunk and eat. I don’t feel Oreo is best representing a wide cross-section of Oreo eaters. It’s like they’re trying to set some kind of Oreo-eating standard. I have never in my entire life met anyone whose Oreo Process™ was that.

Oh, I don’t doubt they’re out there — those who absolutely must eat their Oreo just like they do in the commercial. But what about the artists? The rebels? What about those who just bite into it as-is? What about those who (*gasp!*) couldn’t give a damn about the “creme” filling? What about those who consume sans milk?!

Personally, my Oreo Process is as follows:

Nibble off the top cookie in little bites like a mouse.
Scrape off the “creme” filling with my bottom teeth in small bits. Never lick.
Nibble bottom cookie at my leisure.
Store on my thighs for Winter.

I’m not saying it should be done like this, per se. I just don’t understand why Oreo feels …

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Cue Freddie Mercury

2008-08-11T13:38:00-08:00

]]>It’s a stressful time for me right now. I’ve got many big projects that I must launch before Kathy’s visit next week, we’re trying to get our Femmeplates™ up and running (though, it’s a soft launch) and I’ve been pretty much married to my computer, working dawn to well, well past dusk.

So I didn’t notice that another of my fish died yesterday.

NPH had been sickly since before Flapjack bought the farm, but I thought he was getting better. The last few days he’s looked a bit wan and colorless, sort of depressed, but he was still reacting to my presence, swimming when I’d approach and eating. I didn’t miss his feeding, I didn’t overfeed him, I didn’t neglect him… he just died.

The odd thing is that 2 days ago I bought another fish to use Flapjack’s old bowl… finally. I wanted to be fairly sure none of my other fish were going to die before getting another. Ah, irony.

He’s another Betta, fairly large and almost entirely midnight …

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Rejection Kills, Disappointment Only Maims

2008-08-07T19:34:00-08:00

]]>For the last six to eight weeks I’ve been making mental notes to keep an eye out for the August issue of Wired Magazine on newsstands at the end of July. I kept forgetting until last week, when I stumbled onto their site and saw the “How To” issue advertised. This was it! This was the issue I was interviewed for as a contributor to the Spruce Up Your Blog segment of their annual How To Guide. Hooray!

I was called by their offices in San Francisco not once, not twice, but four times. Voicemails were left, calls were returned and I had a couple fairly lengthy chats with a lovely woman whose name escapes me. She asked me all kinds of questions about tips for improving your blog’s look, traffic, what’s hot, what’s not, etc. Some of her questions were kind of complicated and open-ended. Most of this stuff doesn’t have a simple one-liner “pat” answer and I really had never read the How To Guide before, so I wasn’t exactly sure what she was looking for. I just offered my best professional insight and hoped that I didn’t come off like a tool. …

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Always a Bridesmaid

2008-08-04T14:51:01-08:00

]]>I had a conversation with my friend mikey this weekend about men wearing women’s clothing. A game show recently had the men dress up in a wedding gown for a competition and for some reason, the guys on the show were going bananas over having to wear it. The week before they were asked to wear a diaper and a bonnet, but somehow that was fine. I asked mike about this, not understanding what the big deal is and he told me that a guy dressing up like a woman is fine for Halloween, like a hooker or a cheerleader or something, but a wedding dress is crossing the line.

I totally don’t get that. Why? He insists it’s just weird and implied that a wedding dress is somehow more emasculating than any other dress. So, a man in a wedding gown is somehow far more tragic and embarrassing than let’s say… a latex slut skirt or a fairy tutu?

I’ve never had a problem with men in drag… for Halloween or any other time. If you’re secure in your manhood (which I know my friend is, so I found wedding dresses a …

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Rubberband Man

2008-08-01T16:55:00-08:00

]]>One day last week, sitting at thwack! my desk in the late afternoon, I heard a loud, rhythmic thwack! that initially didn’t bother me, as I figured it would stop in a minute. thwack! But, after about 15 minutes of this, I started to get a thwack! headache. Annoying isn’t it? That was only a couple sentences.

The sound was kind of hollow, like bouncing those big red cherry balls on pavement. At first I thought it was just that, but after a few thwacks! I noticed the sound was much deeper and resonant. And it happened too steadily to be kids playing. I figured it had to be someone doing some kind of construction or hammering and hoped it would go away.

After 35 minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore and went outside to investigate. My apartment is built into a hillside, so the neighbors to my left sit higher up on the hill than my building does. There’s a walkway that runs alongside my building that has cars in their lot parked at my head-level, if that makes any sense. So, I walked around the side of the building to peer into their parking lot …

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Hump Day Hollaaaaa!

2008-07-30T15:28:00-08:00

]]>Ok, that’s a dumb name, but it’s on par with “de-lurk” as far as I’m concerned. I’ve never been a big fan of “de-lurking days”, I guess because I always assumed if people wanted to comment, they would. I always felt like it was just too obvious a plea for comments. I don’t begrudge anyone that, I’ve seen the fun had by those involved, it just was never for me… before.

I’m about to boldy go where I’ve deigned to go in the past — I’m asking you to de-lurk. *gasp! dismay! shock abound!*

Ok, so it’s not that big of a deal, I’m just really curious to see who is reading. I love to meet new people and I don’t just write for me, even though that’s the cool thing to say. I’ll keep it real for you, kids: I write for the fun of it and you are part of the fun. Without you, I’m just talking to myself and I get enough of that as it is.

Lately there have been some new folks commenting and I’ve been following some links in my traffic to …

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Dinner Conversations

2008-07-30T02:32:00-08:00

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Joelle: I want mexican food.

Kathy: I want a smoothie and a big rubber fist.

Joelle: I either hear someone’s vibrator… or an electric guitar.

Kathy: What if it’s both?

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Tenth Muse